Whimsy in the times of now
On remembering and doing
Morning darklings,
My mid-life realignment is going well. Or at least I'm getting a handle on it. Part of that is just accepting my being quicker to tears and the teenage tendency to take things personally that's creeped its way back into rotation. But part of it is moving towards that slow life.
When I'm trying to gauge my feelings, I don't filter. I write without thinking, I save photos of what lights my brain up without judgment, I open interesting looking websites in tabs without reading what they really are, I grab paint colors without thinking of a project, I download games on my phone from their aesthetics alone, I add stuff to shopping carts without looking at cost.
After frenzied hours of that, I look at the pieces of me. I start finding the edge bits, the matching colors, the shapes that seem alike, allowing for that odd splash of nonsense. After all, the best puzzles are not simply green or brown, trees or roads. They are lush imagery with anchoring blocks of similar and chaotic bundles of color—a flower bundle or a cityscape, people on a street or lights on a tree.
I realized when looking at my words and aesthetic choices that I was missing that chaos, the one thing I needed—the splash, the whimsy.
When I look around my home, at my wardrobe, in my car, on my laptop, even my mug selection, there is a severe lack of whimsy. It's not gone entirely, but it's clear in my subconscious choices that I want it more than I have it. I used to have a shirt that was just cat faces—oodles of screen printed cat faces in a never-ending pattern. When I shrunk and it didn't, I never found another piece like it. It was just a small bit of whimsy that disappeared from my life. I had a disarticulated Barbie necklace too. When it broke, I used the parts and made a more subdued version. Even still, I don't wear it often like I used to. The level of delight it brought others is how I met a lovely man who left this world last month. Whimsy, after all, is rarely contained. I used to have a sticker on my laptop of just the tops of the Belcher family's heads (from Bob's Burgers). When it wore away, I never found something cheeky like it again. I began to see those things as childish for me. Never when other people did them. It made sense for them. Just not for me. Brains will do brain things.
But I've bought things for whimsy's sake in the past years. Somehow, they get side aside, though. Tiny rearview mirror stickers of a squirrel and cat face are in the junk drawer (and have been for over a year). A glass milk carton holds nothing special—or ordinary, for that matter. The rocks I painted to look like food are in a jar. When I realized how smushed they looked, I never tried to fix it. The waffle tic-tac-toe board I made for a morning backyard tea game has never been played.
It's odd, really. Some things just fall by the wayside. It's not that they aren't loved, it's that there are big things going on. Life things. Medical things. Work things. Friend things. Errand things. Drama things. Work things. Yes, I said that twice.
But after all my unfiltered exploration tells me that I'd be happier with whimsy front and center.
So where does that leave me?
Making hinge pins from minis I've 3d-printed because they're adorable. Making a 4 ft tall bobby pin because Pinterest's algorithm has my number and TikTok has a tutorial.
I laminated a guest check and put magnets on the back. It's now our running we're out of this list spot. Better than texts or paper or trying to remember. Also, it's amazing. So are the food magnets I've made to go beside it and the framed food-related mini art prints beside those.
But I'm just getting started.
I've got odd purses lined up and new jewelry to make, art to try and tiny flowers to paint on the legs of chairs. Small, big, noticeable, just for us. It's taken me a while, but my brain has allowed me to see whimsy as being a part of me, not a full-blown aesthetic. It's not all or nothing. And more importantly, I did not grow out of it.
Nor did I grow out of phone games.
When I walked away from social media, I purged myself of phone usage. I could lose my phone for days and be fine. I'd answer texts on my computer every few days (sorry all, that's just what I have some weeks), and that was okay by me.
But I enjoyed playing on my phone, and sometimes spending an hour on Instagram just looking at memes or other people's art brought me joy. Again, I told myself that wasn't for me. Whether it was because I worried I'd be addicted to my phone or I was wasting away or I could be more toxically productive, it didn't matter. And that was for no one. I didn't judge others like that.
Downloading a ton of games was a delight. I found I don't like most of them. They are boring or filled with ads. I don't want to spend $40 a month to play a game on a tiny screen. I have over 30 games on steam and over 100 on itch.io that are already paid for or were free to begin with. So I'm quick to opt out of a game.
But I found a whimsical game. There are cats, a tree house, glitter, adorable illustrations, friendships, merging fruits and vegetables and rocks and sugars, and there is no thinking to it. Magic Recipe, it's called. It's just lovely! There are still more to try—5, I think. So we'll see if anything gets added, but it's nice to have something sweet to add to the quiet moments that aren't long enough to listen to a philosophy book about animals and their understanding of the concept of death. Not everything needs to be that deep, though I still want more things to be than not.
This mid-life realignment may be exhausting, frustrating, overwhelming, and almost comical, but I see it as being good for me.
Speaking of, next week, a Little joys, because despite the immense amount of pain I've been in and the emotional turmoil that is (did I mention) overwhelming, there have been a lot of things to make me smile lately. They may be small and fleeting, but isn't that more of a reason to highlight them?
Until next time, harness the Little darknesses and embrace the Little things.
P.S. The Clocks Kickstarter is 111%. I'm so grateful we've gotten here, but there is a special edition sticker that goes to everyone who spends more than $8 when we reach 200%.
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