Rushing for nothing
And an event update!
Morning darklings,
I was on my scooter, rolling through the neighborhood, the other day. It was sunny and a little breezy. (This was just before the smoke started to invade the air and my brain.) My eyes were closed, and I was trusting the hubs to let me know if I was veering into a curb or car. There was no traffic. There were no kids playing. It was just the cawing of birds overhead, rumble of cars on the highway blocks away, and the slight ringing in my ears. Bliss, really.
It was such a nice moment, just to be. I realized I haven't had many of those lately.
I've had a lot of medication problems . The most irritating side effect is that my crip time seems to have elongated. What takes an able-bodied person 10 minutes may take me 30. What usually takes me 30 is now taking me 45, an hour, not happening today.
It's caused an ever-feeling of being rushed. When I have deadlines, when things need to be taken care of but aren't important, when no one is expecting anything of me, when I have the day to myself, when I'm seeing a friend who doesn't care if I'm late, when I cancel on someone because I'm ill, when I'm resting, when I'm nearly asleep, I am rushed.
If I could explain it, I would. But I can't.
I am craving a scooter moment as I write this. I want to delete my calendar and forget my responsibilities. I want to move to the English countryside and live slow. I want to cancel everything always. But I know I'll still feel rushed. It's internal, this pressure. So running, hiding, escaping won't change a damned thing.
Good thing I'm about to leave for therapy.
Before I go, I have wonderful news about Clocks! We have an in-person event at the end of the month! Local authors will be joining me for a reading at BOLD Coffee & Books on Saturday, August 29th at 7:00pm!
Sarah Walker is also coming from hours away just to read to you all, so you don't want to miss her. And I don't do many events, so it's a rare Elizabeth sighting, and that's pretty neat.
I really hope to see you all there!
Until next time, harness the Little darknesses and embrace the Little things.
