New desires
On wanting to do more + memes
Morning darklings,
Recently I have begun desiring new things. There's no time, what with my non-fiction book, the fiction book I'm shaping, The Little Periodical, streaming, a new art collection I'm working on, finishing my wardrobe and the house projects, attempting to keep up with life and figuring a way out of debt, and also trying stay healthy/sane/mildly okay, but no one asked me. I wish the desires were in
replacement, that would make it easier. Instead of writing, I want to— Instead of art, I want to— But no, I just want more.
I want to make deep-dive video essays on topics like the mind-body connection, societal pressures effects on mental health, Disability portrayal in fiction and film, and keeping up appearances. I want to do research projects that take medical degrees but end in change and take regular classes again. I want to write screenplays, to make video games, to dye fabric and learn silversmithing. I want to become a birder and make a bat box.
Not many people have energy or luxury to do that, and I am no exception. I could monetize some of those, I suppose. But do I have the initial capital and hustle mindset to make more than a few dollars on any of those things? Truly, no. So much of my health goal in life has lead to see a need to slow down, take on less, breathe more, sleep in sometimes. Where does that leave me, my ADHD, and my desire to do it all?
Doing one thing at a time.
Mm. Good gravy it's horrible.
I remember being Super Buffy. Working multiple jobs, playing, drinking, making art, pulling 12 hour-long days at my career-in-progress, and still finding time to hang out with friends. Now, I stay out too late one night and I'm a zombie most of the next day. But that's the evolution of time and chronic illness.
So there has been a lot of planning, a lot of prioritizing, and a lot of what's realistic self-talk. For now, the focus is my non-fiction book. All in on that. The other projects are side dishes to that main course.
Wish me luck to not get distracted by the laundry list of ideas that keep piling up.
...and before I leave you for the week, have a thought, a reminder, and some memes.
unrelated but connected
—only in that I said main course, mind you. My book After the Main Course was blocked from Everard's subscription service. Against their code or something. Can't figure out why, as it's dark but not that dark. At least, I don't think?
Anyhow, does this qualify me as a banned author now?
Fingers crossed!
a reminder
I do hope to see you at this event. If you need a reminder, head to the Little Key calendar, copy the event, then plop it right onto your calendar!
You want to be there <3
some memes cause it's been a minute.
Fun fact: I wrote a similar scene in Joyce (not as darling, mind you), then I saw this and was like oh shit, it happens for real.
Until next time, harness the Little darknesses and embrace the Little things.
