Little joys, but also a few big
As always, in search of gratitude
Morning darklings,
It's bleak right now—both in the world and in my brain. But there are plenty of positive things, I know. So here I am, focusing on those.
Like the fact that I learned how to set up shortcuts so that my phone auto opens up apps to remind me to video my life and texts me my schedule in the morning. How the printer is fixed and I've sent out The Little Periodical for July (apologies for the holdup). The final bit of the Clocks Kickstarter has also been mailed out. And how there is an in-person event at BOLD Coffee & Books for Clocks on August 29th at 7pm.
But also, other things.
Moon Spoons has been adventurous, loud, and obsessed with his reflection. While Rory Girl has been cuddly and roly-poly, soft and curious.
While cooking with Padre on Sundays in May, June, and this far into July, I've made challah bread (garlic & onion and one with chocolate chunks in it), Swiss chard kugel, chocolate pavlova (though delicious, it stayed flat, but now we know why and will be trying it again), pelmini, apple sharlotka, and cauliflower cheese casserole. The days I've had to sit out or reschedule our cooking and just chat haven't felt sad or shitty lately, they've just been. Knowing that I can eat more solid food at all is huge. I remember that two years ago I thought I'd never eat again, I thought I'd need a feeding tube, I thought I might die. Not in a hyperbolic sense, but in a real, honest-to-goodness way. I was fading. I have a photo taken on May 24, 2024 of me holding hands with a friend the day I told him I may need to check myself into the hospital. I still have a blendie for breakfast 99% of mornings. I still have a blendie for 80% of dinners. But 50% of lunches there is bread or pasta or cereal or cake or soup with chunks of vegetables. Sometimes, I weep while eating a muffin. It's so big, and yet, it's still just a Little thing.
Thanks to a birthday present from my family—the empty ring—I made this incredible thing with a crown my friend got me at an estate sale and a piece of coral.
The hubs and I went to a lil oddities thing in Portland that was cute. He was cuter. He was the joy for me that day, though. He wandered through a place he'd never go if I didn't and talked with me about the curious and dark side of the world all the way home (pausing only for us to mutually grumble about the traffic and the ice cream truck that looked like a Bundy trap with a magnet on the side... which I guess is still the dark side, just decidedly not the parts we were talking about).
Teafest was really oolong heavy this year, which was okay because I love oolong. Plus it was fun and the cup was gorgeous (forgot to include it). We got some samples and restocked on usuals, as well as branched out and got new things. Also, I got a huge chunk of glorious smelling beeswax I'm going to make candles and try my hand at lip balm with.
This lil Nutria who spent a lot of time cleaning and creating ripples at the Crystal Rhododendron Garden brought me (and a lot of other people) joy. My dear friend told us about it being a Nutria, which was already a wild thing, given that I didn't know we had such animals on the planet. I think the only sad thing was we didn't get to see its spectacularly creepy orange teeth. But we just spend 15 minutes just chatting while this lil buddy made sure every inch of themselves was scrubbed before jumping back into the lake.
Ice matcha and a good conversation. 'Nuff said <3
Two beautiful souls brought me flowers. I almost forgot to take pictures of both, I was moving them from room to room with me, admiring them. One was handpicked from their garden so they could be a centerpiece to our conversation, the other was lovingly chosen from the store to brighten my day. I am such a lucky person to have people like this in my life.
I have been able to see two exhibits lately. 1. The Titanic exhibit at OMSI (which I've gone to about 3 other times since I was a kid). Each time I go, they add new things. This time, it was a a video rendering through the ship with quotes from passengers letters. 2. The Puppet Museum. What a magical place. Small but packed with amazing puppets and information. They have workshops, which I'm desperate to go to. But they're a few hundred dollars, though. One day! I know it's worth it, if not just to hear more about the making process!
I took this photo to update the website. I realized that I've published a stack of books that I can't carry all at once since December 2018.) Two copies of sweethearts because I updated the cover. It's crazy to see them all. The last time I published a novel was three years ago. Since, I've focused on novellas, anthologies, and words with art. It's around the time I started getting sick. There's a lot of connection I see when they're stacked up like this. I also know that they weren't written in this order, so that was a fun thing to notice as well. I found myself being proud of me for the first time in a long time. This is the big joy. This is the I've done a ton joy. It comes with a lot of mixed emotions after that, thoughts about support and what success means. I see writing partners, I see friends, I see moments in time all trapped in the months or years I worked on those pages. But the joy overrides that, it is so big. I've always been a completionist. Try all the things (or at least the ones I care about), then I can be done when I want to without worry I'll regret it. Looking at this photo, I know I've done that. I've written multiple genres, I've published my work and others, I've done submission calls and reached out to authors, I've written stories that were in my head for over a decade and ones that showed up the day before. I haven't shared some of my older work, I haven't written every story I've thought of, I haven't finished what's on my computer, but I have tried it all at least one. Feels good. Now, I can just do what I want when I want and feel less stressed about it. Is this how normal people feel about writing all the time?
And finally, my card game. It's with the illustrator now. I've sent out play test requests. The Kickstarter is planned. I'm ready. It was supposed to be a print-and-play, but I guess I wanted to see if I could make it bigger than that. A glutton for punishment, maybe? I designed what that would look like and hired Chantell Saunders from Clocks to do the art. Her work on the back cover is just the style this cozy game needs. Then I made a new website for Little Key Games and then another for Little Key Studio to hold everything. And now, I guess, I'm doing The Thing. I've already got two more card games in my head. They may be illustrated or photographs, I'm not sure. I'll be working on them in the background for now. I guess this is another big joy, right? Another project well and truly underway with an artist I see a few more collabs with, if our lives allow. More details soon, but for now, it's just nice to focus on the good while my brain is desperately seeking the bad.
a few links of joy to top us off
◗ This recording of a poem got into my bones.
◗ I may have even shared this one before, but I Miss My Cafe has been doing good things for me in the body times of please don't get in the car, you hurt too bad.
Until next time, harness the Little darknesses and embrace the Little things.
