I had to complete one more project before tomorrow
On time alone, finishing projects before birthdays, and a new card game + event update!
Morning darklings,
Tomorrow is my birthday. Thank you for all who have wished me a happy birthday. I've not gotten back to anyone from last week because a houseguest just left, and I crashed after. He's basically one of the hub's brothers. We did more than I physically could because we haven't seen each other in so many years. But it was wonderful. They went to see the Redwoods in CA for a few days and left me home alone for the longest I've ever been home alone before.
I have an older sister. As a kid, the few times our parents were able to get away for even a night, she was there. The two times I can remember them leaving for longer trips, she was there. I moved straight from my parents' house to a condo with the hubs. When he went away for Ultimate Frisbee tournaments, it would be for one night. Sometimes, I'd go visit my family during that weekend.
And if you recall, my recent attempt to be alone for a while ended in spinning out in the woods and the creation of The Little Periodical. Not a bad ending, but still, no more than one night alone (and even then, the hubs and I talked a lot that night).
This time, it was two nights, most of three days along, texting periodically, and one quick call. They hiked miles and miles, so they'd flop into bed and crash.
There was missing him and doing too much, because the kids are bundles of delightful need, and forgetting to drink water until I stood up to get something, but I got to listen to my music and audiobook loudly. I was able to do my monthly sob-the-world's-pain-away without worrying anyone. I talked to myself out loud in a way I don't usually. I did things without, as a dear friend said recently, being perceived.
That friend and I talked about how different moments are when we aren't being observed in any way. Normally, I have someone around to remind me to pace. But I didn't want to pace when I finally organized my closet. I wanted to do it all in one go. Take the things out, photograph them, move them around, start thinking about outfits, stand and stare at a dress for five minutes to decide if I even like it anymore, collapse onto the floor and sigh at the mess I've made. No pauses to slow the momentum to a screeching stop and end my day. Just me, myself, and a lot of work.
I thought I'd get that and so much more accomplished. I thought, I'm alone, I should create—no distractions, right?
Yes, and no.
Some thinking, a comeapart, and more thinking later, I decided to complete one more project before I turned another year older. I have something in me that likes to say I accomplish a lot.
Who do I say this to? No one? Sometimes the hubs. I don't share 50% of what I make, don't mention it. Not because it's bad or I'm embarrassed, but not because I don't want to brag or am keeping it for a rainy day either. There's just so much. In one day, I might make nine things from the comfort of my bed. In the next month, I may do nothing but rest and get through the days. The following week, I may make twenty things in between a busy week. There's no cadence or full understanding, it just happens.
I often forget that other people don't experience that, and making one thing to them is a triumph—so making one thing is still a triumph. I'm going to work on sharing all of my accomplishments.
Anyhow, with full time alone and no chores I had to do, I figured I'd just write a story and call it a day. My usual. But I didn't want to accidentally get swept up in something that would need to be paused while Clocks events happen and more books are mailed and submissions to story awards are going on. I needed to let this project breathe.
Instead, I did paid my summer self forward and did some chores and thought some. But I still had to rest. And since I do love to complete things (also having another skill/type of art in my repertoire is of the utmost importance to me), I made a card game.
I'd written some thoughts about it months ago. But in three days, I fully designed it, chose the temporary art for play testing purposes (I plan on hiring an artist), created and printed out the cards, and wrote the rule book.
Part of my birthday evening is going to be trying it out. I'm sure I'll find some hiccups—including the possibility that it's just not fun. Still, I did it. When I was a kid and a teenager, I made board games. Now, a card game. Just crossing things off of the lists.
My next list item is sew a bunch of stuff. So that'll keep me busy as Clocks comes to a close.
I've realized, as I've aged, that enjoying so many types of art and creation have come in handy for so many reasons. Mental and physical health, of course, but also, it's nice to have fun things to do all the time. Days don't need to feel like biding time.
Our houseguest and I were talking about how time moves differently as a kid, and I thought that maybe it's because kids have daily, if not hourly, things they're looking forward to. As adults, we choose one or two things a month that we're living for. Time slips by us as we are enjoying or slogging through days, essentially constantly biding time to get to that thing, that event, that day, that moment, that location. If every day had an art piece to finish or a new recipe to make, a TV show you've been interested in trying or a cherished friend you are going to see, time would slow down a little. (Unless your brain is a bit fractured like mine, but that's a whole other thing, isn't it?)
Speaking of things to look forward to... how about I give you one next week?
An online reading event for Clocks is happening on launch day! There will be authors from all over the world reading parts of their stories! Yes, there will be an in-person event for those local to the PDX area, but how many voices will you miss if you wait just for that?
Until next time, harness the Little darknesses and embrace the Little things.
