Forgetting to document
On not recording or taking photos
Morning darklings,
I haven't been recording my life lately. Haven't been taking a lot of photos either. I find myself lost in the moment more often. It reminds me of my concert years. Sometimes I would take photos before we got out of the parking lot, documenting good hair or makeup or big awake smiles, knowing that the next time we arrived at the car, we'd be changed. If I remembered to take my camera with me (or was allowed to), maybe I took a few photos of the bands during their sets, maybe not. I was often too busy singing or jumping or elbowing moshers or screaming at people or laughing so hard I subluxed a rib before I knew what was happening. Perhaps I took photos with the bands as they signed things. Maybe I got one or two shots of me and Padre or me and my friends at breakfast, when our voices were hoarse and our hair was matted. But maybe not. Maybe I left the camera at home, I sang all the way to the show, I sang all the way through the show, I laughed and told stories and met knew people after the show at the Waffle House, and I went home vaguely thinking, oh, damn. I didn't take any pictures. After a crash night's sleep, I wanted to share the stories more than the photos. Most of the best moments couldn't be captured with a click anyhow. How can one capture a good conversation? A meeting of hearts and minds? Without a great production, without time and effort, without taking away from the moment, it seems less than possible. And with a camera/phone out, things don't always flow as well. What a shame to miss out on next opportunities and connections. Why just Wednesday... no, I'll save that for another time. (Did that work, or was it annoying like in The Neverending Story? —truly the only thing wrong with the book)
I have a recording of the moment my hubs proposed. It's blurry and garbled because my sister was bouncing with excitement and everyone was heavily breathing with anticipation and I was sobbing before he got to "Will you marry me?" Even though we have documentation of that moment, the memory is better. The video is actually fairly unwatchable. But one day, if the memory goes with others, if I look over at the hubs and can't remember what we were wearing when he asked me to spend my life with him, nothing will be lost. He will still be there, and I will still be by his side.
So I'm losing my phone more, forgetting to unlock it and point it at the hubs as he smiles at me from his office chair or my friends as they chat across the table in my backyard or the doctor's office/room I'm visiting. I'm forgetting to hit record. Mushy brain that can't remember things and all, I regret nothing. Staying present has been the most magical.
a lil board
Until next time, harness the Little darknesses and embrace the Little things.
